The path a healer walks is complicated. Most healers I know love healing, and giving to others. But in giving, there can be times you wonder why someone doesn’t want to receive. You give and give – different ways, different words, tones, with the deepest of concerns. Forcing someone to heal never works. It’s easy for a healer to feel invalidated and in lots of effort to solve a problem that is unsolvable. Someone who can’t receive can’t be fixed by giving more. If someone can’t receive what you have to give, you may end up thinking or feeling, what’s wrong with me? It’s easy to take on their problem – not being able to receive – as your own, as reflective of something about you.
For most of us healers, we naturally fixate on the problems of the ones we heal. Our natural talents become focused on the benefit of someone else – our value as a healer becomes about how other people experience our healing. Heck you might be really good at solving someone else’s problems – In most cases it’s easier to fix someone else’s problems than your own. But if you are dependent on someone else receiving your healing to feel good about yourself, it can be easy to lose sight or sense of your own value – who you are to you, who you know you to be – as a healer, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a son, a lover.
Another way that being a healer becomes complicated is when we try to help someone over and over by holding them to our expectation of how they should grow and heal. Although nothing changes you continue to push for a step to be taken. The experience may leave you depleted – why aren’t they listening? Why aren’t they just doing what you say? You seem to see or know what is best for them, can’t they see it? This can make us feel ineffective and like failures as healers. Or you get angry at those you are trying to heal, which doesn’t help the cause! I’m sure you know what I’m talking about!
The best way to walk this path is to turn your attention inward, and having your own experience of giving while trying to assist someone else. Rather than focusing on the outward effect of a healing, focus on how healing it is for you it is to give, to heal. There are sayings in our culture that speak to this – ‘practice what you preach’, ‘advice given is advice needed’ that all are speaking to the power and value of having an experience of giving and healing for yourself first. This is what we teach at Portland Psychic School, how to heal others while having the experience of healing first for yourself. The trick is to learn how to do both at the same time. How to turn an experience of giving into a natural space of receiving, too.
Some of the strongest healers I have met have found a way to focus on healing themselves in the process of healing others. It’s challenging, like rubbing your belly and patting your head at the same time! It takes a much greater commitment to choose to heal yourself first before stepping into a commitment to heal someone else. Choosing to take your own advice is choosing to be responsible for your own growth and healing process. Owning your value, strength, and own healing journey can be a revolution in how you heal others. Because when you are walking that complicated path of learning how to give in ways that don’t require you to give yourself away you are at your best, and giving to yourself others can sense that, and they seek you out. You have value, you seem to know how to give to yourself in a way that alludes them. How you communicate as a healer changes. Your own growth can be just the thing someone you love needs to experience – by watching you have your healing for yourself first, and focusing inward on your own healing journey – even while you give – can help connect them to their own healing process. And that’s really what healing is.